29 Dec The Best Lip Balm in the Midwest
Oh hi there, we are Serious Lip Balm and we make some rad all-natural lip balms and body products. Frankly, we don’t mean to be cocky, but we kind of make the raddest shit around, but that’s hard to say because we live in the Midwest and that’s just not the kind of thing Midwesterners say, you know? In honor of the dawn of a New Year (2020, we are coming for your ass) we are stepping up and maki g some declarations in a sort-of-kind-of very midwestern way.
We make the best lip balms in the Midwest. (For real, they are all-natural and handmade and they are not greasy and they heal your lips and we aren’t even lying AT ALL. Also, we make them in scents like whiskey and key lime pie, SO TAKE THAT)
We have the best time at shows where we are selling our lip balms. (I mean, have you seen us? Loud music? Hugging people? Making friends? ALL OF THOSE THINGS. Good news, we are expanding our show schedule beyond the Midwest, too, so more people can have fun with us!)
We have the best dogs in the handmade lip balm business. (We know your dogs are really cool, too, but ours are the best in the lip balm business. Check the facts)
We have the best socks. (This is all because of Luckey, but we claim it as a group. You’re welcome)
We have the best packed trailer of any lip balm business. (For real, Suit takes this shit SERIOUSLY. There are CHARTS)
We make the best all-natural and handmade body products. (Have you tried our whipped lotion? Beard balm? Lotion bars? Nipple balms? Dog paw balms? Lip scrub? Bug balm? THEY ARE DAMNED AMAZING)
We make the best all-natural bug balm in the UNIVERSE. (It smells amazing, repels all biting bugs INCLUDING GNATS, it’s in a convenient tube and you only need to apply it to your pulse points and IT WORKS LIKE A DAMN CHAMP)
We have the best people in the world that support us and work with us. (GO AHEAD, CHALLENGE US. WE WILL FIGHT EVERY ONE OF YOUR ASSES)
So there you go! Serious Lip Balm… the best in the Midwest. Oh god, please don’t think we are rude for saying that.
Serious Lip Balm