11 Nov Fa-la-la-la lip balm!
Hey, guess what? The reindeer are starting to do their leg exercises and the egg nog is getting frothy in the blender, it must be time to make that list of gifts you’re going to get for all of those wonderful people in your life who bring a smile to your face, a bounce in your step and give you a double chin (damn you for those amazing brownies, Barbara, damn you) but also for those people you may… tolerate. We at Serious Lip Balm have come FORTH to help you tweak that list a little in order to make your holiday season shine just a tad bit brighter! BEHOLD AND TAKE NOTE –
The Recipient: Cousin Charlene
What Charlene Usually Wants: Some sort of cute sweater, maybe a new rustic wooden sign for her door that says “let it snow” or something like that.
What you usually get Charlene: Nail polish. Why? Because you forget ALL ABOUT poor, sweet Charlene, and now you’re on your way to Christmas Eve dinner and you have to stop at the damn CVS. AGAIN. You are a terrible human.
What to get Charlene this year: The Harvest Bundle. Pumpkin spice, s’mores and apple cider lip balm? Come on, Charlene was a girl scout, she’s going to totally dig this and you won’t look like such a doof!
The Recipient: Joey, your sister’s boyfriend
What you usually get Joey: a ripoff jersey from his favorite team at Walmart. Sure, you know his favorite team, but this thing is going to fall apart the second time your sister washes it (Joey can’t be trusted washing clothes). I mean, you get points for buying something vaguely dude-ish, but TWO WASHES AND IT WILL SHRED.
What to get Joey this year: The Basic Bro Bundle, bro! Bacon, pizza and buttered popcorn lip balm? Joey’s gonna bust a gut when he sees that, but guess what – he’s also going to use them because they smell AMAZING and they are in cool tubes that don’t embarrass him. Bros gotta be careful of being made fun of by other bros, man.
The Recipient: MacKenzie the Babysitter
What MacKenzie usually gets: an extra five when you drop her off on her doorstep.
What to get MacKenzie this year: The Elf Bundle, of course! With candy cane, egg nog and fruitcake-scented balms, she’ll be the happiest 13 year old on the planet who isn’t holding a Taylor Swift ticket. That being said, it might also keep her from using that trashy pink lip gloss she keeps wearing, and who knows, maybe that will help her future ifyouknowwhatimean.
The Recipient: Nancy, your cubicle neighbor
What you usually get Nancy: nothing, because all Nancy gives you is snotty looks and a sick stomach every time she burns the damn popcorn in the break room microwave. 3 MINUTES, NANCY. THREE.
What to get Nancy this year: The Frigid B*tch Bundle. Hey, she might be ticked off, but it will make YOU laugh every time you see it on her desk. DEAL WITH IT, Nancy, and LEARN HOW TO SMILE SO IT DOESN’T LOOK LIKE YOU’RE CHEWING YOUR OWN FACE.
The Recipient: Your neighbor Bobby
What you usually get Bobby: Look, he feeds your cat when you go out of town for a few days, so you usually just leave a six pack on his front porch with a bow on it.
What to Get Bobby this Year: A Hustle Hard Shirt – sure, Bobby doesn’t do much hustlin’, but he he’ll love the sentiment, you know? Bobby deserves the best… he’s a good dude, guys.
The Recipient: YOU
ALL OF THE BALMS… ALL OF THEM.
Know why? BECAUSE YOU ARE ONE SWEET STACK OF PANCAKES AND YOU FLIPPING DESERVE IT. HIGH FIVE!
For a full range of all of our amazing balms, bundles shirts and general sassiness, come see us at one of our upcoming events! YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.
Nov 12/13: Illinois Product Pop-Up Shop in the White Oaks Mall
Nov 18/19: Holiday Hobnob Market in Peoria, Illinois